Please send assistance – my cat tenderizes me as we speak

This will only make sense to those who are barking mad (‘scuse me, yowling mad) enough to own cat(s). To those people, this will make you laugh very hard.

The rest of the world may wonder how a seemingly domesticated species has trained us to scoop its poop and feed it delicious stinky delicacies twice a day. And yet all we ask is to be lovingly ignored in return.

This is dedicated to Ramses, my reincarnated pharaoh, and Sephi (Persephone). Please don’t gas me again.


Your Peon